Blanket of Ice
by footbanana
Summary: Ah, so there it went. The blanket of ice returns, and what is this? A new sheet of ice has found it's way to me.


Haha... Okay. So, it's been almost a year since I last uploaded anything new, and it's probably not exactly what you wanted. I'm begging you to bear with me! There have been some tragedies this past almost-year. Not to mention my extreme case of apathy causing my creativity to shrivel up in a corner. Despite all that, I've had the desire to write, to create something worthy of some sort of praise, for a while now. I just haven't had any ideas or the passion... Please believe me when I say that I am trying my very best to get past this obstacle. As a token of my gratitude for putting up with my negligence (Yes, I'm really just bribing you.) I give you this little story... thingy. -_-;

I do not own any part of Ouran High School Host Club.

...

"Hika... Hikaru. Stop breathing so loudly." I give a gentle shake to the softly snoring lump facing away from me. The lump grumbles and turns over, revealing a slightly irritated mirror image of myself.

"Did you seriously just wake me up because I was breathing too loudly?"

I take a second to think of a clever response, but because I am so utterly exhausted... no such luck. "It was keeping me awake..." I answer feebly.

"Sorry? I'll try not to breathe so obnoxiously." Hikaru rolls his eyes, his perfect cat-like orbs, and closes them once more.

I sigh, turn onto my back, and stare at the dark ceiling.

It does not take very long before the soft snoring starts back up, but I decide it's best to leave him be. What's the point in making him angry when I am not capable of falling asleep even when it is quiet? Tonight is no different than any other night. I will just end up lying here in my... our bed, thinking about the person next to me.

I've become consumed by this... this obsession with him: the sight of him, the smell of him, the feel of him. But doubts and worries stay wrapped around me like a cold, icy blanket. I spend all hours of the day and night thinking only of my other half, and with that comes the feelings of guilt and of being tainted, like my soul is dirty. I am no longer pure. How could someone feel this way about their brother? Their twin nonetheless.

Is it because of the way we grew up? Plenty of other siblings are close, but they don't wind up having the same sick feelings that I possess.

Then again... we were isolated in the small bubble that we created against the rest of the world. We refused to talk to any children, our age or not. Even adults didn't deserve our respect. As far as we were concerned, they were less than human. Filthy creatures not worthy of a second glance. Though we showed only hostility toward others, there was nothing but love between the two of us. We stood side by side, hand in hand at all times, proving to be an inseparable force. We see now that it was wrong, but, back then, that is what we believed to be a simple truth. It was just us, a couple of little boys with chips on their shoulders, against a world of idiots. Simple... so... very simple.

I smile a bittersweet smile, shaking my head at how ridiculously naive we used to be, but my expression quickly becomes much more grave. That's no excuse for how I feel. I disgust myself. My eyes begin to sting, so I shut them tightly.

My misery is slowly eating at my very being. The fact that he can never truly be mine, the fact that I'm going to die alone because I cannot see myself with any other person, the fact that I can't tell him any of this... I feel my heart being clawed at and my stomach knot each time those thoughts cross my mind, leaving me with a taste of desperation that, no matter how disgusting it may be, has not faded in the last few years of my 'enlightenment'.

Shifting back onto my side in order to look at him again, a single hot tear rolls down my face.

Hikaru is sleeping so soundly. He looks so peaceful, so untouched by the world's harsh cruelty. It only serves to show me that there is no way in hell he shares my feelings. Falling asleep would have proved to be a difficult task if he did. One more demon to follow and taunt me.

All of this wouldn't be so bad if only he did have the same desires. All the doubts and worries constricting themselves around me might have even faded over time.

Two fresh tears fall.

"No." I whisper into the darkness. I cannot allow myself to continue to think that way. Self destruction will only occur sooner if I travel down that path. Besides, there is no point in dwelling, it will never happen. It will never happen... "It will never happen."

I gather myself, wipe away newly forming tears, and struggle to stifle a big . It's got to be awfully late by now. Turning over to my other side to look at the luminous numbers of the alarm clock, I see that it is now 2:57 A.M. There are still a few hours before I have to get up for school. Should I even attempt to sleep? I suppose...

My eyes close and I make myself comfortable. Directly afterward, the other side of the bed begins to move. Is he... getting closer to me?

A warm body presses itself against my back, followed by an equally warm arm working its way around my middle. For a second, it's almost as if that ice blanket has disappeared, melted by his warmth.

"Are you still awake?" Hikaru's voice is husky from sleep. His mouth is so close to my ear...

I sigh internally. He has no idea what he's doing to me. My eyes start to sting again, but I somehow manage to keep my composure. Crying right now would be unwise. The result would include him asking questions and getting answers he doesn't want to hear. "Yes, I'm still awake."

"What's the matter?"

Shit. I'm not good at lying to him. "I... I have a stomachache..?"

"Hm." Disappointment is clear in his voice. "You know, you're really bad at lying."

I know. "I'm n-not lying." So pathetic.

Hikaru exhales out of his mouth and directly into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "Are you cold?" He was completely serious. I sensed no smirk; he wasn't teasing me.

When did he become so imperceptive toward me? We were once so synchronized.

He pulls the blankets up to my shoulders and holds me tighter. Ah, so there it went. The blanket of ice returns, and what is this? A new sheet of ice has found it's way to me.

"Yeah, I'm cold."

...

Do people this rich even use alarm clocks? Probably not. Am I going to make all of my author's notes this long? ... I can promise you nothing.

Inspiration for this came from a deep, dark place inside of me. *pffft* _" I'm sorry that it is lacking in the smut department, but that's another thing I'm working on.

There most likely will not be any continuation of this (not saying for sure, though). It was just a reflection of my mood... A way for me to vent to you unknowing people. It's short, but written fairly well, right? RIGHT? Hope you enjoyed it anyway..?


End file.
